Promise Mascot Agency Review – Excellent and Weird

Promise Mascot Agency Review

Promise Mascot Agency is deeply flawed and incredibly weird. I also can’t stop playing it. It seems like even the most repetitive, exhausting premise can also be totally compelling. That is, so long as the core gameplay loop is fun enough. And make no mistake, building an empire out of these damaged, deranged weirdos is extremely fun. This world is just so charming, you can’t help yourself.

Quirky and Deeply Cursed

You play a Yakuza member exiled to a dead-end town on its last legs. Said town is full of misfit mascots and a curse that specifically kills Yakuza men, so things are obviously going great. The plan is to kickstart the local mascot business and hopefully pay off a gigantic debt. Between the 100% fatal curse and the incredibly corrupt mayor, this task might be impossible. Thankfully, you’ve got a giant severed finger named Pinky on your side. So maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

You’ve also got a beat-up truck, which is what you’ll be controlling while you play. This is a great idea, honestly. Walking is for suckers. Plus, the game is designed such that every road, pathway, and alley is exactly the right size for your tiny ride. Yet it’s still roomy enough to cram two mascots in the back! A real marvel of engineering. You can also soup it up with upgrades, like loudspeakers and recycling ports. And wings, if you want those jumps to have a little extra oomph.

Worth Exploring Every Corner

Driving around Kaso-Machi is a blast. The filtered visuals and ethereal music lull you into an almost hypnagogic state, and there’s always something to do while you’re on the road. You’re grabbing collectibles, cleaning up trash, blowing up signs, and running errands. There’s always a new mascot to recruit, another mission to complete, or a fresh pile of coins to hoover up. You can also manage the business on the go, which is nice.

I called the mascots ‘misfits.’ I worry that this may not accurately convey the depths of their depravity and psychosis. One of them, Trororo, is a cat covered in what he swears is grated yam sauce. He’s obsessed with adult videos. There’s also a horny hostess that’s just like, a weird shape? Sort of a tetris block with fishnet stockings and high heels. She propositions you constantly. Your business partner, Pinky, is a small-time crook who can’t stop threatening brutal violence at the drop of a hat. Just a full crop of winners all around, is what I’m saying.

Gallery of Weirdos

The business more or less runs itself. You just send these mascots out to events, and rake in the money. Oh, and you have to rescue them whenever they get in trouble. This takes the form of card battles. You have to fight off brutal opponents like ‘slightly crooked walkway’ and ‘normal-sized door.’ There’s also crane games to win, debates to engage in, and a smattering of management sim activities. The whole shape of Promise Mascot Agency reveals itself to you in pretty short order.

From a distance, I can see how this game would be a bad time. You’re mostly repeating the same handful of activities over and over again. The cutscenes and dialogue are confined to static images and voice work. Plus, you spend tons of time running back and forth before you unlock any kind of fast travel. But I loved every minute of it. I remained excited and delighted to engage in these rote tasks. The long drives and simple chores are all so impossibly charming that I can’t put the controller down. Plus, the writing is terrific. These characters are all terribly interesting, and I loved learning more about them.

Promise Mascot Agency is a weird, flawed experience. You spend most of your time driving around this tiny town, chatting up a series of total weirdos. You’ve got a short list of tasks to complete, a lot of money to make, and a lot of fires to put out. But all of it is so engaging, so charming and fun, that you don’t mind one bit. This town is a complete, well-crafted world full of compelling characters and fascinating stories. Plus, the core gameplay loop is addictive and butter-smooth. I don’t know exactly how to recommend this game, but I can’t recommend it enough.

***An Xbox code was provided by the publisher***